


Falling (For the First Time)

by Kolie



Category: Free!
Genre: Idiots in Love, M/M, introspection like WHOA, makoto thinks way too damn much, too many damn feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-18 02:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5894872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kolie/pseuds/Kolie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto smiles, leans down to steal Rin's lips in a quick, chaste kiss. "I love you," he whispers when he pulls away, up and off Rin's body so he can sit with his back against his bedroom wall.</p><p>Rin's face flames red and he pushes himself into a seated position with long, flailing limbs. "What the fuck, Makoto?” he squawks.</p><p><i>You're leaving, and I'm afraid I'll never have the chance to say it again. I don't want you to forget me,</i> he thinks, but what comes out is a shrug and, "I just wanted to say it."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling (For the First Time)

**Author's Note:**

> This was written well over a year ago and has just been chilling on my tumblr and Google Drive ever since. I actually kinda sorta like it, even though it's cheesy as hell, so I figured I'd share it here.
> 
> Find me on tumblr at barnesyarns :3

Makoto loves watching Rin fall to pieces beneath him. There's a sort of power in it, knowing that he is capable of reducing someone so strong to a writhing mass of limbs and bitten off curses. Rin is the sort of man who always has something to say about everything, and Makoto knows he's won when his boyfriend's ability to form words vanishes. But, as much as he loves teasing (torturing as Rin would argue) Rin, Makoto knows better than to abuse that power. Rin could fight. He _has_ fought. When their relationship began, Rin would fight tooth and nail to be the one in control--always on top, even when he was on the bottom--but overtime, he began to let Makoto take the reins. He began to trust Makoto, trust that he had worked hard for. Three long months of infinite patience and placating smiles when Rin's insecurities flared and got the better of him.

Every time they're together, Makoto thanks Rin for his trust--for coming home, for not disappearing again, for giving him a chance--by planting soft kisses against his lips, barely able to contain his grin when Rin growls in frustration and buries his fingers in Makoto's hair for more. Makoto laughs and Rin nips at his bottom lip in retaliation, licking desperately into Makoto's mouth when he obediently opens for him. Makoto slides one of his hands down from where it rests on the bed above Rin's head and cups the side of his face, thumb resting beneath his chin to direct Rin to turn his face so Makoto can kiss him deeper. He teases Rin's palate with the tip of his tongue and flicks the back of his teeth, pulling away when Rin moans.

It takes everything he has for Makoto not to gasp when he takes in the picture Rin makes spread across his bed. He’s all shades of red--hair a halo of crimson against Makoto's black and grey striped comforter, cheeks stained a pretty shade of pink, and lips bitten and swollen from Makoto's kisses. It's a sight Makoto loves and will never tire of seeing. 

But Rin is impatient and he tightens his fingers in Makoto's hair, tugging to drag him back down. He cracks open an eye and bares his teeth when Makoto doesn't let him.

"Why'd you stop?"

"I like looking at you," Makoto says, honest, and brushes his thumb along Rin's cheek. "You're beautiful."

The fading pink on Rin's cheeks flares back to life, and he playfully knocks Makoto on the side of the head with a fist. "Stop being embarrassing," he grumbles, turning his head to pout at the wall. "Jerk."

Makoto laughs and cradles Rin's head between his forearms, leaning down to bury his face in the side of Rin's exposed neck. "It's true, though," he whispers.

Even when they were children, Makoto had always thought Rin was a sight to behold. He moved through the water like a shark; not as graceful as Haru, but with just as much purpose. Maybe even more. Where Haru only cared about swimming for the sake of swimming, Rin placed his entire future in the water's unpredictable hands. College. The Olympics. Just the year before Nagisa had even tried to get everyone to bet on whether or not Rin had come out of the womb dreaming of things far greater than simple elementary and high school level swim meets.

Makoto hadn't participated in the bet, but he'd always known that Rin was destined for greatness. He knows that soon they'll be going their separate ways, as Rin goes off to Tokyo on his scholarship and Makoto stays home to attend classes at a commuter school. Rin will probably find someone much better suited for him in Tokyo, someone with dreams just as big as his who can keep up on every step of his journey, and once he meets that person, it won't be long before Iwatobi and Makoto disappear. He knew this when they started their relationship and Makoto vowed to himself that he would cherish every moment he had with his boyfriend, until Rin grew tired of him and moved on to bigger and better things.

"Hey..." Rin's voice is quiet, hesitant, when he cups the side of Makoto's face with a gentle hand.

Makoto hums in question and turns to press a kiss against Rin's palm. 

"You zoned out on me for a second there." Rin frowns and raises an eyebrow, using the hand on Makoto's cheek to comb back through his hair. "Everything okay?"

Makoto smiles, leans down to steal Rin's lips in a quick, chaste kiss. "I love you," he whispers when he pulls away, up and off Rin's body so he can sit with his back against this bedroom wall.

Rin's face flames red and he pushes himself into a seated position with long, flailing limbs. "What the fuck, Makoto?” he squawks.

 _You're leaving, and I'm afraid I'll never have the chance to say it again. I don't want you to forget me,_ he thinks, but what comes out is a shrug and, "I just wanted to say it."

He refuses to meet Rin's eyes, terrified of what he'll see reflected there. He knew going in that his feelings for Rin wouldn't be fully returned. Makoto loves Rin so much that it hurts sometimes, and he's happy just to have the chance to be close to him. He may not be lucky enough to be Rin's first love, but he knows there are many more of Rin's firsts that will always belong to him and him alone.

"And it's true, you know?" Makoto continues before the moment is ruined completely. He twines a loose string on his bedspread around and around his finger, smiling to himself. "I really do love you. I have for a long time."

_I may not be his first love, but I want him to know he'll always be mine._

The bed shifts as Rin moves around, eventually settling to rest with his back against the wall beside Makoto. He reaches out and grabs the hand Makoto is still using to fiddle with the string, tangling their fingers together and squeezing briefly. Makoto sucks in a startled breath and stares at their joined hands for a moment before he finally looks up at Rin's face. He's surprised to see that Rin is smiling. He doesn't look at Makoto, but he looks ahead at the closed door with a private smile on his face. Rin is always so full of sharp edges; Makoto can't remember ever seeing his boyfriend looking so soft.

"It's nice to know you actually can be selfish sometimes," Rin says, after several long seconds of silence. He turns his head to look at Makoto, that gentle smile growing into something that makes his face glow. “I was starting to get worried that I was going to be the only selfish one in this relationship.”

Makoto furrows his brow and tries to pull his hand away, but Rin tightens his grip until it’s almost painful. “Rin, what?”

“You’re an idiot, Makoto,” Rin states, letting go of Makoto’s hand as he levers himself onto his knees. “You’re so smart, but you can be so dumb sometimes, I swear.”

Makoto falls slack as Rin swings a leg over his lap and sits, effectively pinning him against the wall and offering no route to escape. He has no idea what’s going on. Rin doesn’t sound angry, but Makoto knows that doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s not pissed beyond belief.

 _This is what you get for opening your stupid mouth,_ Makoto berates himself. If only he’d stayed quiet and kept his feelings bottled up as he had for the past three months, they would still be kissing or more by now.

“Look at me,” Rin hisses, grabbing the sides of Makoto’s face so he can force him to look at his face. When he’s satisfied that Makoto’s made eye contact, he leans down and presses their foreheads together, the tips of their noses just barely touching. “You’re an idiot.”

Makoto frowns and grabs Rin’s forearms, shoving him to the side so he can get away, but Rin fights back. Makoto may be bigger, but Rin knows how to use his strength and wiry frame to his advantage. They wrestle until Makoto is on his back and Rin is sitting on his chest, hands pressed to the bed on either side of Makoto’s head and his teeth bared in frustration.

“God dammit, would you just listen to me, you self-sacrificing bastard?!” Rin shouts, balling his hands into fists. 

Makoto stops fighting and watches with wide eyes and bated breath as Rin closes his eyes and tries to calm himself down with long, deep breaths.

“I love you too,” Rin breathes as he opens his eyes and stares directly at Makoto. “I love you, and I’m really pissed that you wasted your first time saying it on something so fucking dumb.”

Rin hits Makoto on the side of the head with one of his fists--not nearly as playful as before--and collapses on top of him with a broken sob. Makoto doesn’t even think, just wraps Rin up in his arms and holds him close, burying his face in his hair and closing his eyes with a heavy sigh. Tears burn at the corners of his eyes, but he won’t let them fall, not while Rin is a quivering mess on top of him.

Rin sniffs and nuzzles his face into the crook of Makoto’s neck. “I hate you.”

Makoto laughs and tips his head back so he can stare at his ceiling. “I know,” he whispers, sliding a hand into the hair at the base of Rin’s skull. “I hate me sometimes too.”

Rin chokes on a sob and snuggles closer to Makoto, squeezing his sides with his thighs and trapping his head between his forearms. Makoto cards his fingers through Rin’s hair in long strokes and keeps his breathing slow and steady until he hears Rin’s calm to normal.

“I’m sorry,” he says after several seconds of silence. The words aren’t adequate, he knows that, but he can’t think of anything else to say when Rin is vulnerable and still shaking.

“You better be.”

Rin’s voice is muffled in his neck, but Makoto can hear his pout and it makes him laugh quietly. He wraps his arms tight around Rin and cradles him close, squeezing his eyes closed tight when he feels Rin press a kiss to the side of his neck.

“I love you.”

He feels Rin stiffen, but it lasts only a second before he relaxes and whispers, “I love you too.”

Makoto smiles and rolls them until he’s hovering over Rin. He cups the side of his face and rubs his thumb against Rin’s cheek, unafraid to stare into his eyes. Now that Rin knows exactly how he feels it's like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders, and Makoto knows he’s emerged from the other side as a new person. There’s no reason for him to hide anymore.

Makoto loves watching Rin fall apart beneath him, but even more, he loves Rin. He loves his heart and his soul, his rough and sharp edges that are often used as barbs of protection. He loves his passion and dedication, and knows without a doubt that Rin will make every single one of his dreams come true.

Loving someone doesn’t automatically mean you’ll be with them forever. They’re teenagers, still children to most, but Makoto knows better than that. There will be arguments--oh yes, with Rin involved there are bound to be arguments--and maybe a short break-up or two along the way, but right now, with Rin in his arms and the overwhelming joy in knowing that Rin loves him in return, for the first time Makoto feels like maybe it’s okay to finally start dreaming about their future. Together.


End file.
